Not that long ago, I opened myself up to the universe and said, "Okay, Universe, I'm ready to meet the person I'm supposed to spend my life with." I say a lot of stuff, though, and one might think that in all of the years that I've subjected myself to the intermittent misery and joy that comes with connecting with other people, that JUST ONCE I would have said that. But I didn't. And yet I chose to embark on potentially lifelong adventures and heartaches with people that just didn't pass muster in the end.
But today? I'm different. I've learned some things. I'm slightly more evolved. I'm almost exactly the kind of person that I would want to match wits and feelings and socks with for the rest of my days.
Now, don't get me wrong: I'm still in training. I'm still alive. I am confident that I still have a great deal to learn about interacting with others. But I'm open to change, to growth, to more learning.
And I met him. Well, someone that seems a lot like "him." And by him, I mean me. For the first time in thirty-something years, I THINK I have met someone that actually meshes with me exactly where I am right now and someone who possesses the intangible qualities that make me think - even for just a moment - that he and I could grow and laugh and make love together indefinitely.
The hopelessly romantic sap in me wants to say "Forever," but I know that routine all too well. And so, for now and until I am no more, I can only count on how things feel right now, and right now, life is good.
I need personal space and I've found someone that needs it, too. I need someone affectionate and kind to other living things and he goes beyond that. I need someone that doesn't exhaust me trying to connect with him and he's been easier than Sunday morning. I need to feel loved and I've found someone that doesn't have to tell me he loves me for me to know that he does. It's all still so new, though, and things have felt perfect before.
I thought I knew that "he" was out there, but I still don't know that this will last. I don't know that I have anything figured out. I don't know that we'll be able to make our lives work together in the long run, but I know that right now, having him in my life and feeling loved is making all of the difference in facing everything else.
I haven't forgotten how easily he can hurt me - I mean, he's hurt my feelings unintentionally a time or two and I realize that he has the power to break my heart, but I'm pretty much okay with that. Without risk, there is no chance for success. Or damage. But, I've been hurt before, and I know I'll get through the tosses, turns, bumps and burns, regardless. I'll heal one way or another. But maybe - just maybe - I'm not wasting a second with this one. Maybe - just maybe - I've met the love of my life and I won't ever have to wonder if I should have shaved again or not. But I will anyways. He likes them that way, and so do I.
